June is bullshit. Complete and total bullshit. I gravitate towards Courtney because she is a good time and I see my youth, our youth, thriving inside of her. We both have the same mentality of having fun no matter what. Some people shun and look down and judge. FUCK YOU. Seriously, I've never been mean intentionally.. but fuck you. I'm screaming that, just so you know. Just so you are fucking aware. In case you haven't gotten your head out of your own shitty self-absorbed cloud in enough time to hear me yell it in your fucking face.
I miss Jackie. I have so many regrets. And I see the regrets coming out in me now. Now that I don't have a family in Buffalo it is making me reflect on my own. How after Jackie passed we rallied around one another. How Nick and I both deal with it in our own ways. How I fucking need to be in Ohio in 3 days. Seriously. I've seen death and I need life. I don't need bullshit drama or petty arguments over me being "boy crazy". Because, ya know what, being boy crazy will help me meet many and weed out many and savor few.
.. the fucking few that will resemble the genuine love and concern and care that my brother and dad show me. At 22, I doubt I'll find that. I doubt that grilled-cheese-making-carry-me-home-drunk boy will be here. But at 22, at least I know what I want. At least I know that I've felt it before. I've felt someone hug me sincerely and lovingly and with the utmost selfless concern for my well being. Sorry if, at 22, for the first fucking time in my life I care about myself and what I want and who I want to sleep next to.
I am a ranting machine in 2008, apparently.
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2 comments:
I love you too! you're an awsome person, don't forget it.
thank you so much, Sara. I am sorry for being a bummer, but I actually look back on it now and we had fun!
P.S. I've decided you are part of my Buffalo family!
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