One for the road.

Buffalo sucks. I see Joe everywhere. Not literally, but figuratively.. I don't know which is worse. He ruined me. I realized I can't be the fun drunk without tagging along the angry/bitter/dramatic drunk. Drinking used to be one of my favorite social things.. now it's ruined and just something I dread because I'll get bummed and pissy. I guess this is when I realize drinking isn't for me and I should be playing Scrabble in Delaware Park. I'm glad I have friends that encourage such behavior, but at the same time I'm irate for him taking that one vice from me.

Oh well. I need to get over this. I thought a trip out west would cure me of such ailments, but as every state passed I grew sicker and sicker.. filling up with the vacant feeling of home. I don't really have a home. Apparently, my home was a desolate, cold, empty apartment with an empty fridge. What's home about that? I think Ohio would be a nice home. I mean, yes, I would be living with my parents and succumbing to the twenty-something defeat. But, in all realty, I'd be so much closer to nailing a great job and finishing school. I'd feel a little loved, which is a significant step up from not loved at all.

I recently lost my best friend and I'm a little okay with it. Guy best friends are never best friends when they want to sleep with you. Especially when they want to do it as a notch on their belt.. a trophy, if you will. I did it once, and lesson learned. Never ever ever again. Whoa is me, but then again, I'm a fool for thinking otherwise. Lessons learned, lessons learned.

I feel a little like I don't have friends anymore. I've been pulling teeth for emotions and "how are you's" and "what's wrong" and I'm slightly exhausted. I kind of want to rebuttle with "fuck you's" and "fine be miserables" but that's rude. But I'm literally exhausted. Completely exhausted. For the first time in my life, I'm eagerly anticipating school so I can hibernate surrounded by professionally written text books and good grades and the furious scramble of Fall semester and not give a fuck about anyone but myself.. for once.