Monday, April 28, 2008

In my previous life, I was a professional at the "act like you're having a blast" mentality. Fast forward to now, and acting seems irrelevant, foolish and non-existent. I am enjoying this.

Did you ever hear the phrase "One green potatoe chip ruins the whole bag?" So true. And when one really tasty, crispy and golden brown potatoe chip decides to leave.. it leaves such a void in the foil-lined bag that all the rest of the potatoe chips just cannot fill. I am going to miss Courtney not living 5 floors up anymore. Yes yes, she is only moving two streets and 4 blocks down, but who I am going to chain smoke and talk (girl) shit with on the roof? With whom will I throw wine-soaked fruit onto innocent pedestrians from the roof? Who will appreciate the roof as much as me without putting it into words, just appreciating silence? Poo.

(I think Nick and I are making plans to move in August so we can get a dog. I talked to him about it last night and he wholeheartedly agreed that our lives are missing a crucial, fuzzy and drooling puzzle piece.)

I hate that I base opinions before truly, truly knowing people. But do you ever really know someone? Hearsay is bullshit, but come on. I dated Dave for 3 and a half years and I still feel as though his innerworkings are a mystery to me. At least I can openly admit to people that I've done this and am currently doing it. I just don't want to get hurt or tricked or deceived. I'm grateful that when I am completely honest, other people are kind of okay with it. We talk it out and appreciate eachother's positition and honesty. Quite possibly the most honest text conversation I have had to date. Maybe he's not such a bad dude afterall, but probably not the best dude to hold my hand. I shall save a dance.

A few months ago, I was getting my haircut at Parkway. Charlene always does this swivel the chair so I face Pano's thing that I laugh about.. because people walk by and see my hair all a mess and I have no choice but to blankly stare out onto Elmwood. I usually see someone I know, and they wave, and I fumble with my hands under the apron. That particular day, a very handsome couple was getting a quick meal at Pano's. They drove separately, and were saying their goodbyes in the parking lot as it started to sprinkle light rain. The good-looking man grabbed the gorgeous blonde girl and dipped her nearly to the asphalt as he playfully kissed her. She laughed like I've never seen anyone laugh before. He did it again and again and you could almost feel their embrace become more loving. My eyes watered and my thoughts raced.. "This happens in real life?!" The older man who owns the salon looked at me and coyly smiled, "Love's beautiful, ain't it?" A cynical divorcee getting an unncessary perm gruffly said "That's bullshit." Yesterday I saw the same couple walking down Elmwood, hand in hand. It kind of made me feel good inside.

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