Inappropriate.

I can't say "People in Buffalo love to talk shit." Far too much wrong with that statement. It's more of a "People I know who have Buffalo connections and live in Buffalo love to talk shit." A good friend once told a story of Kyle Bishop talking way too much shit for his own good on some tour. Well, people held him down and shit in his mouth.. because if you talk shit, you should probably eat it as well. In my opinion, this is a genius idea. Not saying I don't have an everlasting love for Mr. Bishop.. but I am certain he hesitates before emitting a foul statment about another human being. If this happened in real life all the time, everyone who talked shit would be walking around with a heinous case of dysentary and the public would be well aware of their diarrhea of the mouth tendencies. Problem(s) solved. Hah!

Don't get me wrong, people telling me that I have std's now or saying an ex (whatever.. bf?) is a coke head.. all entertaining, but it boils my blood to an unheard of degree. Quite possibly the best part is that I keep my mouth quiet about you and you and you. If I was less of a lady, (and actually had the ability to shit), I would fucking shit in your mouths. Mark my words.

I've been trying to synch my breathing with a boy. I don't know if it's outlandish and unrealistic, but I have been liking it. Humans are far too complex, yet completely simple at the same time. Right now, it's simple and fun and (causing so many rumors! Yes! Go Buffalo!) a good time. Something might be off though, I'm guessing it's me. I'm terrified to genuinely like someone. I have this irrational fear that they will get brain cancer and that cancer will be a bigger part of their life than I could ever be. I'll help them through it.. be their heart, soul, nurse, friend.. and then have nothing to show. Good karma, maybe. But what good is karma when you ultimately lose yourself? I've been rebuilding relationships for 6 months now. I still have nightmares of my brother or Marley or Stephanie getting really sick and dying. It's terrifying. I wonder if I'll ever be back to normal. Hopefully.

Scott comes home soon. Aside from family and great friends, he's the only genuine thing I've let into my life in a long time. I miss him. Sometimes I think my life would be so much easier if he lived here. California makes me nervous, too much sun. Everyone hassels me for sincerely enjoying his company, but that is only because they don't have sincere in their lives.. anywhere.

I went to my sister's plea bargain for her trial. I can't even describe it. Sad, an eye opener, devastating. Sitting on the bench and seeing my father actually showing he cared about the situation really got to me. I started crying and the judge made eye contact with me. For some reason, I had a feeling he might save her. I hadn't had a sister for a good 20 years. How can they take her away now? I can't raise her child. Ah, I don't really have anything else to say about it.