I'm starting to believe every bad thing anyone ever uttered about him. Hmm, oh well. You live and you learn!

New Years Eve looks promising. Besides working til 11pm and rushing back to the city, I'm very excited. The New Year always riles me up in its own way.

I've become utterly obsessed with "To-Do" Lists. I even bought a special pad of paper that further organizes my already organized to-do list. Obviously, I've been working on an epic New Years Resolution list.

Marley is here for another week. I'm going to lose it when he leaves. I walked him around the real dirty part of Main St. and spent an hour with a hot dog vendor. Maybe he can stay forever. Marley, that is, not the hot dog vendor.

Listening to Pink Floyd on vinyl while chainsmoking has become one of my favorite things to do lately. I sound like such a hippie.

I still have to make Christmas presents.. eek.

Having Steph here was really nice. Even though we only spent a little bit of time together, I realized I haven't laughed as hard as I do with her with anyone else. In a genuine sense.. not at anyone, not maliciously.. just rib hurting, cheek stretching, open mouth laughter. I miss her already.

My christmas has consisted of:

Waking up sweating balls on the couch.
Walking Marley down Elmwood.
Eating 2 tuna fish sandwiches.
Chainsmoking and bitching with Nicholas.

I think I might have liked this "Tiny Tim" Christmas.

P.S. My sister had the baby last night. I cried at work and Mark said I was officially a woman. I'm excited, but scared.. but more so excited. Ohh, life.

Tomorrow I rage! Well, as much raging as someone who has to work at 8am the next day can do.

Go back to California already, please.

Thanks.

Everyone is super, super dramatic. And malicious. And conniving. And oblivious to others feelings.

Makes me want to hibernate inside. Good thing this weather is giving me a great excuse!

I hate how everyone blends together.

I'm entertaining the thought of moving to Ohio.

Buffalo is too small.

I don't have a grandma or a sister anymore.

Apparently I'm a "self-centered bitch."

Oh, poo. That's how I feel. "Oh, poo." I'm not really sure if the feeling can be translated into actual verbs and nouns and bullshit.

I feel awful for Marley. His fucking tail is going to be a nub soon. Hopefully he doesn't think his Buffalo trip was a complete disaster. I'll still love him, even sans tail. I hope he doesn't mind being walked through Allentown and the Elmwood village with a giant, boisterous cone around his neck and a dinky, stubby tail awkwardly swaying in the December brisk breeze.

The old shoes I could never fill are coming back to haunt me. None of my emotions can be pinpointed, controlled or organized anymore. Scatterbrained and irrational are suddenly synonyms for "Trisha."

Jealousy.. I despise it, but now I'm overcome by it? I hate that he'll be in town in less than a week. More so I hate that I found it out by looking at all of my friend's facebook accounts. So fucking random. I suppose I'm getting a taste of my own medicine. Deserved? I don't know, maybe. I'll shake this feeling.

Apparently I'm still okay at piano and I like that. I've been youtube-ing "how to" videos and I can't say I'm prolific, but I'm gaining in the area.

In a few days Laura gives birth and I'm indifferent. Yikes.. that's semi-brutal. Maybe I slightly lost interest when she coerced my dog into biting his own tail or fed him swedish fish and he couldn't help but shit everywhere and anywhere. First thing I do is feed her kid a bountiful supply of sour patch kids and make him bite his own feet. Revenge!

I'm slowly and painfully learning that the more potato chips you toss into your private lunch box.. the more opportunity there is to get some really rotten, green chips in the mix. I'm not liking it one bit.

Foster tattooed my wrist and I'm taking out a student loan to finish my fan/half sleeve. I know, I know, I'm clearly the most responsible and level-headed student out there. Must be the reason it's going to take me 7 years to graduate BuffState with a bullshit degree in Fine Arts.

I fucking lost it last night. Completely fucking lost it.

My romantic situation with Joe is pretty much expired. I suppose I'm now onto the transitional "get your possessions out of my home and never speak to me again" phase. Sometimes people just cross a line that puts you over the edge, and edge you never want to be teetering on, and he did that. I'm pretty indifferent to the cause. If it's because of alcohol or the Sabres losing or whatever, I don't want to hear it. I have far too much on my plate to be fed even more excuses.

Such a scene was caused in front of my friends. Outrageously rude statements were made in front of some of my favorites. I feel absolutely terrible that I practically ruined Ana's birthday and everyone was either feeling really fucking awkward or scrambling to pick up bits of a wine glass, while I just sheepishly and ashamedly sobbed. I kept repeating to Nick over and over "I want to go home", but I don't have a home. As much as I put up knickknacks and chockys around the apartment, it doesn't feel permanent or maybe it's me that feels temporary.

Nick hates me. Or resents me. I'm not sure which one and I'm not sure which one is worse.

I want to hibernate alone in my room for a really long time. I really don't want to affect people anymore because it just seems to be in a negative manner. I haven't been myself in years.

I am so embarrassed about last night. Rarely do I cause a melee, but for some reason I couldn't control myself. I wish I would have been more drunk so I had a better excuse for my behavior.

If Marley wasn't here I probably would have killed myself. Seriously. He just knows what to do and when to do it, even if it is just laying next to me or putting a paw on my shoulder.