I am in such a slump lately. I'm having a hard time getting myself off the couch. I don't think anyone understands. Plagued by a constant state of exhaustion, I just don't have the energy to do much.

Hopefully I have mono so there is an actual reason for me being like this. It's too early for seasonal depression.

Wowwww.

So I looked on Facebook and Jessamyn unadded both Stephanie and myself from her friends. Apparently the internet really is life. As much as I want to write a big crotchy message to her, I will refrain. Sometimes I laugh about the whole situation. Ya know, being called a "boy crazy whore" to my good friend (her ex-boyfriend of.. what.. 7 years? Get over yourself!). It was all humorous. In fact, I made many an inside joke based off of that situation. I personally had, and definitely spread many a decent and hearty laugh as I retold the stories of her freaking out on Steph and I for not being relatable.

Meh, I understand friends branch off onto different roads, but isn't that the beauty of friendship? The diversity, the loving to hear about new and exciting lives. And then the comfort you just get encompassed in from spending time with someone who has known you forever. Maybe that's what made Jess uncomfortable.. that Steph and I actually knew her and she was trying to create some weird, fabricated persona in DC.. and we were just hindering her plans by knowing the real her.

Orrrr maybe she was always a vain, stuck-up, rigid bitch?

All I really felt from Jess was resentment. Resentment because I have established (and kept) long friendships. Maybe even some resentment because I was genuinely having a blast while she was sulking over a closet gay breaking up with her? Okay, that was catty, but still I even invited her out to open up her horizons to my life in Buffalo (and to help her get over the closet gay breaking her heart) and she didn't even give a shit. She really hadn't given a shit in years. She made no effort to get to know my friends here, she actually made them slightly uncomfortable.

I don't really know why I'm upset. Maybe because I feel like deleting people on the internet (I'm still sorry, Bobby!) is silly when you're in the heat of the moment.. but to let it brew for months and not even try and contact me, just drop the friendship as if we hadn't made stupid "friends forever" pacts is kind of brutal.. as if it's the ultimate "HAH! I showed you!".

I'm a little ashamed of my Stay Gold tattoo. I should be ashamed that I stopped denying the "Ohhhh nice NFG tattoo" comments and just embraced them because I don't want everyone to know what a shitty friend I had.

I suppose this is when "If you're not now, you never were" is appropriate and fitting.